On Loosing & Finding My Personal Style

Fun fact – I never understood why women shied away from red lipstick in the work place. If it makes you feel like you could take over the world and smash your targets, why the hell shouldn’t you wear it?

And then I got hit by the fear.

I wore light pink ‘neutral’ shades for the first few weeks of my new job. It started out because I didn’t want to worry about it smudging or bleeding, whilst also worrying about conquering a new role and making new friends. And then, the weeks wore on, and on. I admit, after a while I began to worry… would the all male office now find it weird if I rocked up with a pillar box red smile, after so many weeks of my ‘natural’ make up?

It sounds silly when I write it out. Part of me wants to eye roll because a) do men really pay that much attention to our make up? And b) what does it matter what others think? You do you gurrl.

It sounds silly, but it was true. I guess pushing yourself out of your comfort zone (and in my case into a new job) makes you question yourself, your capabilities and how you want to be perceived. And this had an effect on how I presented myself.

Eventually this new found nervousness about statement looks seeped into my weekend style. The ‘fun’ fashion disappeared. Super shiny silver boots? Nah, just these plain ones will do. Hats at any given opportunity? Not anymore.

It was only when I made a conscious effort to wear a dress I hadn’t worn in ages that I woke up. I remembered what it felt like to wear an outfit that felt like ‘me.’ An outfit that may not be practical, or on trend, or cool and minimalistic but made we want to shake my ass in the kitchen and announce that yep here I am.

Since then, I’ve tried to recapture that feeling whenever I dress. Though sometimes it’s harder than others – especially in the office – I’m trying. I may need to give myself a pep talk before committing to things that once seemed like second nature, but that doesn’t matter.

To me clothes, make up and moods have always been linked. My moods affect what I want to wear, and in turn what I wear can affect my moods. When I want to feel sparkly and like I’m living my best, I dress in a way that will help me feel that. And statement lipstick, silly shoes and all the colours/accessories are my way of doing it.

To quote Gossip Girl:

These last few months have taught me how true that is. I’ve rediscovered my personal style, and I’m not letting it loose again.