I can’t tell you when it started, or how it started… but for a while now, something has been ‘off’.  Things I used to enjoy no longer brought the same level of happiness, I’d lost my drive and felt constantly on edge.

Then I started getting chest pains, shallow breathing and a racing it heart and it dawned on me this might be anxiety. I can’t say 100% because I haven’t been to the doctors but the symptoms were certainly matching up.

It was draining and it was difficult – especially since I have no obvious reason to feel this way. I love the life I have created for myself, I enjoy my job and while things have been busy they didn’t feel overwhelming. In short, I had no idea what was going on. Which made me even more anxious.

Then I read Rhianna’s blog about ‘background anxiety’ and realised that was it. Learning other people experienced this (anxiety seemingly without a trigger) instantly made it feel more manageable. Therefore I started having a proper think about ways in which I could minimise these feelings or at least manage them on a daily basis.

So here’s 5 changes I’m making today.

• Letting Go Of Should – Should is apparently one of my favourite words, throughout the day I use it countless times. I should start the sales report early. I should do blog photos, Instagram posts and uni work this evening. Instead of should I’m using could. I could do the ironing, I could do that assignment. Essentially it’s the same but somehow it feels like I’m instantly putting less pressure on myself.

• Cutting Back On Caffeine – I wouldn’t say I’m a big caffeine fiend. I was having a black coffee in the morning and then two or three cups of tea a day. Hardly excessive in my view.

This said, if you have anxiety caffeine is apparently devil incarnate so I’ve swapped to a                      morning tea and am replacing an evening brew with a herbal substitute (herbal tea that is…              that sounded a bit like I’ve taken up drugs lol)

Since then, when I’ve crumbled and had a coffee I’ve noticed my heart racing in the hour or              so that followed, and when I’ve resisted the drink I’ve generally just felt a bit calmer and more          in control.

• Bed Time Routine – I used to have an exemplary bed time routine. Wellness bloggers the world over would have basked in admiration of my dedication. And then my uni deadline approached and I let it slip. I’m really trying to get back to a routine of skin care, winding down and sleep habits to help me feel my best the following day.

• Redefining Self-Care – Self-care normally means bath bombs, candles and all the stuff we use to pamper ourselves at the end of a long day. However I’m trying to adjust my thinking to see tasks such as household chores as an act of self-care. It might not be as enjoyable or Instagramable as a Lush bath bomb, but tidy house, tidy mind or so they say.

• Offline Activities – Whether its reading or colouring I’m trying to do a relaxing, offline activity every day. Because 9 hours spent staring at a computer, followed by an evening of phones, TV and laptops just doesn’t sound that healthy does it?

I’m hoping they will go some way towards helping me feel like me again. Have you made any changes to help yourself feel better? If so, let me know your top tips!

Self-care is a bit like that extra tenner in your bank account, the moment you need it most is exactly the moment it seems long gone.

Maybe it’s an age thing, but I’ve started realising it is so much more important than I once did. I thought it was something to fill an hour you had free when there was nothing decent on TV. Am I insightful or what?

It seems to be having a bit of a moment on social media too. But how exactly do you practise self-care? The common quote is ‘listen to your body’ but if we’re honest that sounds a bit cringe doesn’t it? Like you should mutter the line whilst breaking out the incense sticks you bought on a UK beach break a few too many years ago.

Basically though, I guess it’s just practising taking a moment to realise what you actually want to do, rather than what you should be doing. Try and break it down into three: Do something for your mind, your body, and your soul. And do it every week if you can.

I’ve started banning myself from looking at my phone/laptop right before bed and reading a book instead. I’m not going to lie, resisting the urge to refresh twitter can be a lot harder than you’d think. Or maybe I’ve just got a problem. Who knows?

What I do know though, is that 98 % of the time I tend to have a better sleep afterwards. For extra brownie points I’ve been reading whilst supping on a peppermint tea. Just call me a rock and roll star. Talking about phones though, I’ve also recently stopped the urge to check Facebook as soon as I wake up – instead I’ve been listening to a podcast as I do my makeup and generally get ready, though I am searching for a new one so if you know a good one, hook a girl up.

For the past month or so I’ve promised myself I’d do at least an hour of exercise every week. I know, what a martyr I am, a whole hour (especially as the govt now recommends a whole 150 minutes a week) To be fair though, I’ve stuck at it and it is a lot more than I normally get otherwise. Also it seems a lot easier to drag someone else along when you can promise it is only an hour.

I guess that’s the thing with self-care. It doesn’t need to be big. It doesn’t need to be expensive or instagrammable. It just needs to be something you can actually be fit into your life, that’s simple and that makes you feel better. If it’s beginning to feel like a chore, or too complicated or you begin wondering if it’s the right colour to fit in with your Instagram it’s not self-care, it’s just another thing on your to-do list. And babe, you do not need that.

As I sit down to write this, it feels weird. I feel kinda shy… that’s how long it’s been since the last blog post. So what’s been going on? I’m finally getting back to blogging.

December, as long ago as it feels now, was manic. Although there were so many good parts, the main thing that stands out (other than Christmas, obviously) was the busyness. As well as all the preparation for Christmas, and the low staffing levels at work, I was fast approaching my first ever deadline for my degree.

Although I only graduated from my first degree 3.5 years ago, the thought of my first assignment for this degree terrified me. I felt totally out of the academic loop – like hold up babes, how do you write an essay again?

Then there was the blogging side, as much as I feel I shouldn’t admit it, blogging is hella competitive. Although I am nowhere near as active or creative on social media as a lot of bloggers, there still felt the pressure to be ‘on.’ To be tweeting and reading others blogs, to be improving my photography, to be finding things worthy of Instagram.

As the deadline for uni got closer, I got more stressed than I can remember ever being. I guess I must have started grinding my teeth in my sleep out of stress, because one morning I woke up and genuinely thought I had tetanus. I couldn’t open my mouth, and it was only Craig’s calming influence that stopped me from self-diagnosing myself straight to A&E.

It felt like I’d got myself into a vicious circle. Whatever, or whoever I spent time with left me feeling guilty for neglecting other tasks. And so, something had to give. And that something was the blog.

Looking back though, I feel like maybe taking a blogging break was a bit too little too late. After Christmas, I caught a bug that I just could not shake off. It got worse and worse and eventually left me taking four days off work, high off paracetamol and unsure if there were any other clothes in existence other than pyjamas.

I guess it was the wake up call I needed. No matter how much you want to be pushing forward and creating the sparkliest life you can, you can’t forget yourself. The days or weeks that you don’t have time for self-care are the days exactly when you need it most. It’s like those grimey, peeling aeroplane leaflets instruct you: take care of yourself first, then worry about everything else.

This year, I’m going to try my best to remember that. No matter how much we want to do, or have to do, we have to schedule in time to just be. To do the things that make us feel grounded and refreshed and ready to conquer the world.

So yeah, in a long, rambling way here’s the point: I’m back to blogging. I’m back to feeling more like me, I’m back to feeling at peace. And I’m preaching about the importance of self-care.