Call me an optimist (or maybe delusional) but at the grand old age of 26 I like to think I know myself pretty well. I know it all might change, but for now I know what I value. I know what motivates me. I know why sometimes I act the way I do, even when it isn’t the best idea. Like investing in a semi-permanent black lipstick. (Who knew that was a bad idea? Lol)
Sometimes however, you need something unexpected to shine a light on other aspects of your personality. To help you learn more about your needs, your fears and help you grow.
Sometimes you need an unexpected invitation to Russia, for example.
Now there is a sentence I never thought I would write.
Craig’s mum, grandmother and family friend were planning a girls only trip to Russia – did I want to join? For those that don’t know, Russia is one of my guilty obsessions. I love the history, the decadence of the Tsars and the mystery of Rasputin. It should have been an easy question to answer. Of course I’ll bloody come!
However something was niggling away at me, and I didn’t want to commit. When I was told they needed an answer within a day or two it felt like the death knell. I told myself it was the fear of traveling (and spending a week) with people I didn’t know well. People that hadn’t seen me at my grumpy mid-flight worst.
But now, I think I understand the nerves. When I committed to the trip, all I knew was the dates and the fact it involved St Petersburg and Moscow. I was having to let go of control.
I couldn’t plan the route, stalk the hotels on trip advisor and generally have input in the decisions. I had to trust in the judgement of others. This may not sound like a big thing, but to me it is.
It means taking a step back when I already feel nervous, instead of pushing forward and grasping at a sense of control, for comfort.
I have no doubt it is going to be an amazing trip, and probably a once in a life time experience. But it’s also showing itself to be a learning curve, and a lesson in letting go.