Are We Over the Idea of “Finding the One”?

your my lobster, finding the one millennial


Two things happened to me this week; firstly, it dawned on me that I’ve been in a relationship for almost seven years. I guess the old saying is true – time flies when you’re having fun.

Secondly a friend on Twitter shared this article from Cosmopolitan aptly named ’13 Things Not to Say to Someone in a Really Long Term Relationship’ not only was the article funny, but it was also spot on. I know only a handful of couples my age in really long term relationships… which, given that I’m only in my mid-twenties probably isn’t that shocking. God mid-twenties – don’t we sound all grown up. Some people are in long term relationships, some are in shorter relationships and some are single. As long as you’re happy, it shouldn’t matter.

Whenever I’ve been on the receiving end of some of the points raised in the article (e.g You’re young! You need to get out there and experience what the world has to offer you.”) I’ve always tried to shake them off. The comments are one offs, said by people that don’t really understand. I’ve dismissed them as some of the many strange things people feel it is appropriate to blurt out – similar to the “it’ll be your time soon” speech at weddings. However, the fact Cosmopolitan, a website that creates content it hopes will be massively shareable decided to cover this topic made me realise it just can’t be one offs. There must be hundreds of people who have experienced the forced smile you plaster on while feeling like your being judged.

Millennials are, according to popular belief, after quick fixes and unwilling to put the effort it. We’re classed as the self-centred generation. But are we also the generation that has given up on the idea of ‘Finding the One’? Are people enjoying their personal freedoms before ‘settling down’ or have we just lost faith in the idea of finding someone we like enough to forget the arguments? Even if you were totally and undisputedly in the right, that time in 2009?

The article made me wonder if been in a really long-term relationship is more of a novelty now-a-days than being single is. Part of me feels it is, I cannot imagine Bridget Jones would be under the same scrutiny as a singleton, if the first film was first released in 2015.

I do believe that the idea of ‘the one’ has changed slightly. I think the girls and boys of the 90’s are realising that all of your ideals and interests cannot possibly be contained in one person, despite what Disney suggests. I love my fiancé Paul – he makes me laugh like no one else can, but he is also useless at talking about many of my interests. He doesn’t care much about past empires, and he doesn’t know much about the best ways to apply make-up. Bizarre, I know.  He probably does know more about Downton Abbey than he lets on, but that’s purely down to good luck and me texting him about plot lines when we don’t watch it together.

I hope our generation has not given up on the idea of ‘the one’ however each individual defines it. After all, The Notebook would be a lot lesser of a film if the characters realised mid-way through that a Tinder date is a lot less hassle than love.






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